


Head to Tail

by girlwithacrown



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU mermaid, Almost Kiss, Babbling, Banter, Bathroom Talks, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), MerMay, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Secrets, Soft Sirius Black, Swearing, Tight Spaces, i cant believe this tag doesn't exist, mentions of - Freeform, merman! Remus, the marauders are a bit daft and VERY considerate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24254263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlwithacrown/pseuds/girlwithacrown
Summary: Hogwarts AU where Remus is in fact not a werewolf, but half merman and has to return to water every full moon to renew the magic that allows him to walk on two legs for the rest of time 🖤 Only, the other marauders don't know that.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 55
Kudos: 279





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fleursowl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleursowl/gifts).



> one-shot turned fic ...  
> 

_Thanks to[fleursowl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleursowl/) for being the best beta and for cleaning up the mess that i call fic._

**Prelude**

**Scroll for fic, but first a small introduction to Merman! Remus Lupin at 16 years old:**

\- was meant to ask the sorting hat to be sorted into Slytherin to ease his access to the lake but the hat refused

\- his father (wizard and specialist for non-human magic folk) and mother (Arctic merfolk) met when she was part of a delegation negotiating for sea rights (the artic merfolk retreated to the sea after Avalon sunk but they are still able to transform into human form for some hours before they have to return to the sea)

\- he is the clumsiest person ever and often trips over his long legs

\- refuses to wear shoes whenever he can

\- takes really long showers

\- gets angry whenever people throw something into the lake

\- speaks fluent merish

\- always carries a water bottle

\- sucks a potion brewing

\- his Patronus is a shark

\- wears a lot of turtlenecks, scarfs, and bandanas because he worries that his gills are showing

\- is constantly out of breath

\- very much afraid of heights and has a written note excusing him from flight practice

\- his wand is mangrove with a core of merfolk hair

Also, in order to transform into an aquatic animal for the animagus form, one has to add gillyweed as the last ingredient to the potion instead of mandrake leaves, the potion taste 78,4% more ugly because of that

\----------------

Remus hastily grabbed his wand: "Hey guys, I'm off to visit my mum"

His announcement was met with silent waves from the others who were huddled in James' bed over the Marauder's Map, and arguing about the still not working tracing spell. 

"Okay Then, bye!", Remus goodbye’s were muffled by the sound of an electric frizzle, Peter yelping and the laughter of the two dark-haired marauders. 

Although he still had time to the rise of the full moon, Remus was eager to reach the lake. He missed the water surrounding him and the agility that came with the change into his Merman form.

He closed the door behind him to avoid the usual questions flung at him for leaving and skipped the first steps down to the common room, almost tripping over his right foot. 

Remus couldn't wait to lose his clumsy legs for some hours in exchange for his agile fish tail and just roam in the depths of the green lake, especially now that his limbs were aching from his recent growth spurt. 

He had just crossed the cozy room when he heard a bang from upstairs and footsteps bolting down the old staircase leading from the boys' dormitory.

"Moony!" Sirius was yelling his nickname. "You forgot your shoes again."

And surely, Sirius was carrying them towards him.

When he reached him, Remus snatched them and turned with a quick "thank you", his quills tickling underneath the bandana around his neck, like they always did when he felt embarrassed.

But Sirius had seized his hand.

At 16 years old, Remus already had five years of experience in avoiding his dorm mates’ questions. Not just about his regular trips, but also about his seemingly bad health (he was out of breath a lot) and his weird habits of always wearing some clothes around his neck ("I get angiitis if I don't") at the same time refusing to wear socks and shoes when not 100% necessary ("they’re feet prisons").

"Remus..." Sirius' voice was soft but underlined with determination. He so far, always had made the biggest fuss about Remus' weird quirks and absences.

Remus turned to grin at him, trying to reassure his best friend that everything was okay.

"I know you’re not really going to see your Mum." with these words Sirius pulled Remus behind the tapestry into a small alcove, barely big enough for the two of them. 

Remus signed. He really didn't have time for this right now. Finn was waiting for him and his familiar was a particularly impatient fish when it came to dinner.

"But I really am and you’re making me late!" Remus protested, trying to dodge Sirius, but the smaller boy was fast and eager.

"Yeah, is she a werewolf too?" The words we're out before he could clap his hand over his mouth.

Remus looked at him, his eyes and mouth wide open.

"Oh, shit! Fuck, I’m so sorry. I promised James I wouldn’t say anything. It's your secret and yours to tell when and if you are ready".

Remus' knees gave out and he slid to sit on the floor.

"No, Remus, we don't care. You’re our friend. I don't care, I could never… I really don't care, and who gives a fuck about what society thinks, right?"

In situations like this Sirius was known to babble. He had leveled with Remus, kneeling on the cold stones before him. Their faces were only inches apart and Sirius’ long hair was brushing Remus’ face. 

Remus' mind was racing, he felt his quills opening, gasping for air and coughed.

"No, oh god, keep calm, breathe Remus. No worries, we will just forget I said anything, okay? The moon is full tonight. You have to go and I will say nothing".

Remus grabbed the raven-haired marauder to keep his balance. "You think I’m a _werewolf_?!", the realisation was voiced as a whisper.

"Let’s forget about it, yeah?". By now Sirius sounded more desperate than the time Remus had caught him stealing his last chocolate bar and threatened to tell everybody that he slept with a plush puppy named Padfoot.

Sirius thought he knew exactly what would happen next. Remus would always retreat into his own mind when confronted with something he was not willing to accept.

So he didn't exactly expect Remus to launch into what could only be described as hysterical laughter. Warm tears were streaming down the boy’s face. 

"Oh my god, you think I’m a werewolf! That is just... "

Sirius fell backwards on his arse.

"You think I’m a werewolf!", he just couldn't stop laughing and Sirius' gasping mouth and puzzled looks only added to the comedy of the situation.

"Wait, is this why you stopped wearing that stupid silver bracelet?"

There was hurt in Sirius' face. But Remus couldn't stop shaking from laughter. "and you forced Peter to get rid of his silver chess set???"

Suddenly there was a bang of guilt in his stomach. 

"Wait, you fought over this for weeks back in second year! You thought your dorm mate was a werewolf and you said nothing for over two years! As far as you knew I was a very dangerous magical creature and you didn't say anything. James invited me over for Christmas and summer! Are you completely mad?!"

Tears were streaming down Sirius' cheeks: "I told you we can forget about it. You’re our friend and you’re just... amazing. I couldn't imagine what it’s like to live with this. Your scars... I saw them in second year, and then I knew for sure".

His scars... Remus reached for where he knew they marked his body on his left side. A close encounter with the giant squid in his first year at Hogwarts, a mistake he learned not to repeat. 

There was real hurt in Sirius’ face.

"Hey, hey..."

Remus' fingers reached for the damp cheeks of the boy. In situations, like this Sirius reminded him even more of a puppy than usual.

"Come here". 

Hugging Sirius felt natural, but still, his quills opened up and fluttered in excitement at the familiar touch.

"You did nothing wrong", his hushed voice was met with a sob, the marauder in his arms shaking. "I can't believe you guarded my secret like that". Remus let go to meet the silver eyes "Even when you were totally wrong".

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I told you I don't care. Please you don't have to hide from me. Please Remus, don't do this to me". The stormy eyes were darting at him.

Remus sighed and moved again into a hug to avoid the others' gaze. But Sirius pressed against him. 

"Don’t... you don't have to comfort me. If you don't want me to know then fine… don't. We can just forget about it." He moved to stand up, using his sleeve to wipe his face.

"Sirius!" 

Like so often when Remus was on edge his tongue slipped and the pronunciation of his I's would have given away his merish accent if anyone could have made the connection.

But still it was enough to stop Sirius in his movement.

Remus seized his hands and used his thumb to trace the wet spots the others' tears had left on his sleeves. 

"You’re my best friend and yeah, maybe you deserve to know the truth. I guess I should’ve told you but it's not what you think. I just... It's not something you can be a part of.. none of you can, and you never will be..." 

It was the first time he’d spoken the words, and he heard others spinning in his mind. In his first year in Hogwarts he would just hear his father's voice in his head. Repeating the same rules again and again in a stern Welsh accent. 

  1. You can trust no-one.
  2. Never tell anyone.
  3. If someone finds out, you will need to leave Hogwarts.
  4. People will not understand.
  5. Wizards believe that magic only belongs to them.
  6. You can trust no-one.



He had made the mistake of asking his father for advice last summer, and asked him if he could tell his friends. Needless to say, this had ended in both of them shouting. He didn't even try to talk with his mother about it- the fierce mermaid hadn't even approved of him living in the human world, and only had allowed it because he couldn't stay with her, he was just not fit enough for life in the Arctic Sea.

Sirius had remained still and silent, waiting for Remus to talk again. But how could he tell him? In his dreams he had often blurred it out but it just felt ridiculous to him. Just to say "Dude, I'm a merman", particularly after Sirius thinking he was a werewolf.

Sirius' hands fell into his lab when Remus let go of them to loosen the bandana. "I am NOT a werewolf. It's just... I’m also not really human. Not like you are".

The light in the alcove was dim, and Remus knew that his resting gills were not instantly recognisable as such. When calmed down, they were just some fine lines across his neck.

He let the bandana fall down and took Sirius' hand and rested it on his neck. Sirius didn't make a sound, but his eyes almost starred hungrily. Remus turned slightly and flexed his muscle, instantly he could feel the familiar gasp of additional air floating into his system.

"What the..." Sirius had felt it too, and was now tracing the delicate openings in his skin.

The raven-haired marauder moved, trying to get a better look.

"Ahhh careful, they are kind of ticklish." Remus grinned softly. 

He felt himself blushing with the thought that no one ever had touched this part of his body.

"What are you doing?" Remus' voice trembled when Sirius moved even closer, his hair falling on his face as he ghosted his lips over Remus’ gills.

With a jolt, Sirius snapped his head back. 

“But I saw the bite", he said, his forehead creased. Without waiting for an answer, he pulled on Remus' sweater, exposing his torso and the wide band of circled marks on his skin. 

"Let's just say the giant squid is not a big fan of me.” Remus chuckled.

Sirius' eyes widened as he traced the sucker marks. 

Was Remus just imagining it, or was Sirius now blushing? 

“Fuck Moony, we thought we were so clever when we came up with your nickname. Thought you’d out yourself any moment."

"Well to be fair, I just thought you were just clever about my name."

"Good point." Sirius grinned.

"I actually thought I was well off, compared to nicknames based on childhood toys, hairdos and quidditch crushes."

"Peter's rat-tail had to be sanctioned!"

They were back to their usual banter and Remus grabbed the bandana, suddenly feeling too exposed.

But Sirius snatched it away from him.

“So, should we change it to something more marinal?"

Sirius was trying, Remus thought, Sirius was really trying to make him feel like nothing had changed.

“Please don't. I really like Moony… gotten used to it." 

His heart skipped a beat as he met Sirius eyes. He hadn't noticed before but there had been a knot just underneath his sternum that now seemed to dissolve. Had Sirius always looked at him like that? His heavy lashes almost reached his brows and his smirk curled his lips to a crooked line. 

Kissable... The thought had not entered Remus' mind for the first time. But now what was stopping him? Only the doubt that the other would not kiss him back.

"So is it like a merman thing that you always look so cute?". The goddamn Black smirk. 

“Just because I'm not a werewolf doesn't mean I can't murder you in your sleep".

Sirius had moved closer, and Remus' mind went blank. 

"Fuck Peter, I know that!"

it was unmistakably James’ voice yelling at his friend, accompanied by a loud bang on the hallway. 

"Oh shit, they’re probably looking for me. You know, they think I went after a werewolf on the night of a full moon." Sirius smiled apologetically.

"Yeah, right". Remus still couldn't believe that his best friends had thought of him as a werewolf for years. They both stood up, Remus balancing on his unsteady legs.

"No wonder you’re so clumsy!” Sirius laughed, hitting his head in realisation. 

“Tell them tonight, will you?” Remus asked hesitantly. 

“Are you sure?” Sirius smiled. 

“I trust you.” Remus nodded. 

"I’ll go after them then. Take care". With this Sirius planted a kiss on Remus' cheek, the faint stain of a blush rising on his cheek.

While Remus made his way to the lake, Sirius had caught up with James and Peter, leading them back to the common room under the blanket of silence. Once behind the closed door of their dormitory he turned and faced them.

“Dudes, it seems like we need to come up with a plan to get our hands on some gillyweed!” 

\------------------

Thanks for reading this madness, leave a kudo for love and a comment for motivation.<br />  
Might do an update on this one - let's see.

Find me on ig: @[wolfstars_](https://www.instagram.com/wolfstars_/) and tumblr: @[girlwithacrown](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/girlwithacrown)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags added:  
> #mentions of #past abuse #implied/referenced child abuse

When Remus returned to the dorm the next afternoon, Sirius first noticed that his hair was still damp, the light curls falling heavily around his face. He had always thought that the presumed werewolf showered after the transformation to wash away all traces of the lonely night he’d spend trapped in the wolf’s body. But now, of course, he knew that his best friend had hidden an altogether different secret for all those years. 

“How was your swim?”

Remus froze. He didn’t think that Sirius would uphold their usual game of asking how his mum was, but nevertheless he was surprised by how upfront the question was posed.

James’ eyes darted to Sirius from across the room, sending invisible daggers towards him. “What?", Sirius tilted his head “are we going to pretend we don’t know?”

A smile surfaced on Remus’ face. “You never were one for subtleties”

He was met by the signature Black grin: “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. With this he dropped a stack of papers into the young merman’s hands: “Got your homework assignments, loser”, but not without adding a wink to the insult. 

Peter had been silent for all this bantering and Remus caught his sight. There was something in the boy’s pale eyes that Remus could not quite grasp. He smiled apologetically: “Wanna raid the kitchen, Peter? I'm starving.”

Sirius jumped onto the suggestion like a dog at a bone, but Remus shook him off. “Yeah sure, I could do with a piece of cake, I guess”, a faint smile appearing onto the cubby marauder’s face. 

Five minutes later they were making their way into the corridor above the great hall that did not only lead to the Hufflepuff’s common room, but also to the house-elves quarters and the kitchen. Both of them were silent and preoccupied with the fact that the invisibility cloak had become way too small to even cover the two of them; Remus' height and Peter’s weight indeed was an impractical combination.

“I told them you weren’t a werewolf, but they didn't listen”, Peter’s voice was muffled by a considerable piece of lemon-sponge-cake in his mouth. “Sirius got completely hooked by the idea after seeing your scars… you know how he is… both of them really ...They jump at every stupid, dangerous thing they see without thinking about it.”

Remus laughed into his cup of hot cocoa, the first thing he had had in 24 hours that didn’t taste like lake. 

“Not that I think … that I thought ...you were stupid or dangerous”, Peter was turning bright red at a furious speed. 

“Peter, it’s okay”

“I honestly told them that you weren’t a werewolf, I swear. I mean they would not allow them into the school, right?”

Peter always had been a bit of a weird one, Remus thought, a Gryffindor but not really brave, a Marauder but neither reckless nor especially creative. Gifted but limited by his own doubts. Loyal, but constantly afraid of getting into troubles for being loyal to the wrong people. It wasn’t his fault, being friends with Sirius and James could be so exhausting and overwhelming at times; like when they flooded the common room with jelly mixed with a particular nasty sticking charm and the whole house was slimy for 3 days straight. Or when they decided to sabotage Valentine's Day because Lily Evans hadn’t agreed to go out with James (again) and laced the breakfast tea with something that made everyone's breath smell like frog. 

Remus had had 24 hours to think about his friends’ suspicions and that they had remained silent about it for more than 2 years. All he came up was the conclusion that he had the best friends anyone could ever wish for. 

“I don’t know. I understand why they thought so like in retrospect I can see how you guys thought that I am a werewolf. I hid all my secrets so well that only some facts remained and all of those pretty much add up to werewolf, so as far as you guys know, that could’ve been it”. He finally took a bite of his own cake.

They finished their cakes in silence before Peter spoke again: “I am really glad you aren’t though”.

Remus could see that this confession was genuine and felt a small shiver over his back: “I am still a half-blood, you know”.

The small marauder’s eyes widened under the feeling that he just had said something very wrong: “I know, just not … you know … a cursed monster”.

Making Peter uncomfortable was one of Sirius’ favorite leisure activities, but Remus just always felt bad for him. He folded the last pieces of cake into a napkin and stood up: “Let’s not leave the two idiots alone in the dorm for too long, or we might need to scrap flubber dung from the ceiling again or something like that”.

Remus adjusts his bandana before stepping under the invisibility cloak, only just catching the glimpse that Peter threw him out of the corner of his eye.

On their way back to their dorm, the two marauders had to evade some couple searching for a private spot to spend their Friday night and Remus found himself growing uneasy with every love confession he heard whispered in dark spaces. It really was time for them to come up with a tracing spell on the marauder's map and get some peace and quiet.

The dorm was empty when they reached it. Remus almost tripped over his books, distracted by the thought that maybe Sirius had been under the lovebirds they just had passed, pulling some girl into an alcove just like he had Remus the last day, but for a completely different reason. 

“Seems like they went out for a flight”, Peter said with a nod to the empty broom rack. 

“Yeah probably”, Remus hummed in assurance (mostly to himself), “going to take a bath”, the usually trivial phrase made Peter jump. It would be funny, Remus thought, if it wasn’t just so irritating.

...

“Fuck, Remus…”

Hands rushed into water, pulling him upwards and shaking him awake.

“what…”, Remus pushed away the hands, finding himself in the bathtub and Sirius, his cheeks red, kneeling in front of it.

“Oh shit, I must have fallen asleep…”

“YOU WERE UNDERWATER”, Sirius didn't even try to calm his voice.

“Normally I just wake up when the water runs out of oxygen.” he shrugged. 

Judging by Sirius' facial expression that this was not a normal thing to say.

Only then Remus realised that he was very much naked and very much exposed: “Do you mind?”

Sirius turned away, his face the color of beetroot. 

“Can you hand me a towel? .. What are you even doing in here?”

“I  _ did  _ knock but when you didn’t answer .. You forgot to lock and I just thought … I don’t know”, Sirius was babbling again, grabbing Remus’ towel and handing into him behind his back.

“Sorry Sirius, it’s just been a lot, the past day I mean”. Remus didn’t really want to talk about it. He didn’t even know how to talk about any of it. The only people he ever had talked about his other self had been his mum and dad and Dumbledore when he came to talk with him about his acceptance to Hogwarts. 

“Did Peter say something?”, Remus couldn’t quite catch the feeling that accompanied Sirius' question but it felt heavier than it should have been. 

“Pyjamas, please”, he dodged the question.

“You are dodging the question, Remus”

“Let a man have his peace”.

Sirius turned and Remus was quite happy about the fact that he already had managed to pull up his pants.

“If the little rat made you feel bad, I swear…”, at moments like this Remus thought to glimpse a bit of the notorious Blacks’ madness in his best friend’s eyes. 

“He didn’t. We had cake and we talked about the stupid wankers we have to put up with as our dorm mates”. 

This instantly conjured a smile on the raven-haired marauder's face, who reached out to touch the marks on Remus’ torso: “Did you bring me some cake?”

Slapping the fingers away before they reached him, Remus rolled his eyes in played annoyance. “Black, just because you know how I got those scars doesn't mean you can touch them whenever you feel like it. I will not feed your morbid fascinations”.

The smile on his face faded a bit, leaving a faint copy of Sirius’ usual self. “it’s not a morbid fascination, you know”.

Remus had missed the signals but now was very much aware that the atmosphere had drastically changed. Suddenly, he felt himself transported back into third year when Sirius had returned to Hogwarts after Christmas break, broken and beaten.

“I told you about what happened, because I thought I knew what was happening to you”, Sirius' voice had reduced to a whisper.

There was nothing Remus could say, so he just closed the distance between them, just like he had done all this time ago, and folded his arms around Sirius’ body. “You were so brave to come to us, to tell us about your parents. Me not being a cursed creature takes nothing away from this. We are still the same”.

Remus was very much aware of the fact that there were silent tears streaming down his chest. It was all making so much sense now, that Sirius would confide in him, thinking he was a misunderstood magical creature that had to tear away his own human body every full moon. “It’s okay, we are still the same. All right?”

His reassurance was met with a full-blown sob. And he detached from the boy in his arm to look him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry I’m not what you thought I was”, his voice came out soft but rough around the edges from trying not to cry himself. 

Sirius groaned: “You’re just so bloody awesome.”, he buried his face in Remus’ naked shoulder “I don’t know if I can keep up with you”. There was a hiccup that almost sounded like laugh and Remus couldn’t help but smile. 

Suddenly, talking about his life as a half-blood didn't seem like a big deal anymore. Not if Sirius thought he was awesome, not if he was willing to still be his friend. 

“You know Sirius, you’re pretty awesome yourself”. 

A hand ghosted over the marks on Remus' lower back and for a second he closed his eyes, trying not to think if it was a good idea or how James and Peter were in the next room, probably listening to everything they had said. Tension was building up in his stomach, the fingers on his back circling his scars.

Sirius wasn't protesting when Remus detached himself from his embrace but caught his fingers in his hand. Remus smiled at the soft gesture, deep down hoping that it meant something, something more than just friendly reassurance. “Did you say something about cake?”, Sirius smiled.

”If Peter hasn't finished it by now”.

“You must be starving! What do you even eat when you, you know…”

Remus groaned from underneath the shirt he was pulling over his head. 

“... Where do you even go?” 

Sirius was babbling again and Remus took it as a good sign. 

He opened the bathroom door, catching James and Peter pretending to read the newest issue of  _ Quidditch international  _ upside down. 

“Seriously Padfoot, stop with the questions or I’ll eat all the cake and you’ll get none”.

Peter was discreetly brushing crumbs from his pullover: “yeah, about that…”

“What about some sandwiches and Remus has to answer two questions each?”, James grinned, catching Sirius’ eye. 

Remus groaned, deep down feeling excited about the possibility to, for the first time in his life, tell his friends about the  _ other _ Remus: “One each and we get Nutella!”

\-------------

thank you for all the comments and love - I am so motivated to write more for this AU - keep it coming!

Find me on ig: @[wolfstars_](https://www.instagram.com/wolfstars_/) and tumblr: @[girlwithacrown](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/girlwithacrown)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tags added: pining, babbling, swearing, secrets, bathroom talks

At age 16, Sirius Black had figured out life. He prided himself in having overcome the stupidness and unease of his childhood, the constant fear of failure that had marked his early teenage years, and finally was willing to step up his game. 

There were two things he was particularly sure of: He was in love with Remus Lupin and this Remus Lupin, gifted wizard and chocolate connoisseur, was, in fact, a werewolf. And there lay the rub.

He had known for over two years now, but he had been just so afraid. In the beginning, he was afraid that, if he would tell Remus that they knew he would have to leave Hogwarts. But the more he waited the more another fear emerged, Sirius Black was afraid that if Remus would find out that they had known all along he would hate him for being dishonest, for lying to him and for pretending everything was okay when in fact he was cursed to rip away his human body every month, alone, probably more frightened and in pain than Sirius had ever been. 

Sirius just couldn't bring himself to confront him, not after he had laid out all his secrets to him and Remus still hadn’t said anything. Maybe James was right, maybe it was just not something Remus could ever tell anyone. The thought alone made Sirius’s heart melt, the loneliness of a beast’s lifetime seemed endless and far too heavy for the boy he had completely and utterly fallen for. 

All these years ago, back at his very first day of school, when he had stepped into a compartment on the Hogwarts express, and there found a sleeping young boy, a fresh scar on the bridge of his nose and wearing an unfashionable old robe, his heart had made a jump. After all those years Sirius could no longer say if it had been love at first sight. What even is love to an 11-year-old boy? He just knew that he was unable to stay away from the other. For Remus Lupin was the most mysterious and the funniest person he had ever met. 

There was a constant pull, a feeling that came naturally to him just like wild magic that had burst from him as a child. And just like wild magic he had learned to calm it, to keep it hidden under layers of trained composure, taught himself to let it flow only in acceptable streams of contained affection. 

For there was no way that the young werewolf would see him as more than just friends. And how could he let anyone get closer than this? Not if he wanted to protect his secret. And it wasn’t as if he was interested in boys anyway. Remus had very early made it clear that he wasn’t interested in his fellow marauder’s hormone-driven babbles about who they fancied. Rolling his eyes whenever they started to talk about it, he didn’t even know that Sirius, in fact, wasn’t talking about girls. The obliviousness Remus displayed towards the topic of sex had Sirius baffled more than one time. At the same time, he never flinched away when Sirius was seeking out a hug or cuddled next to him.

Of course, as far as Remus knew, this was just what being best friends with Sirius was like. Being friend with Sirius Black meant having adopted a dog that was reckless and stupid at times, but made everybody laugh and cared for the people close to him. It meant that personal space was something overrated and privacy was something he needed constant reminders off. 

The day Remus left their dorm room, presumably to retreat to the place he went to for the werewolf transformation, Sirius had had enough. He had decided that it was time to step up his game and stop this ridiculous charade. He didn’t care what James said, that Remus needed to decide for himself if and when he was ready to share his secret. He didn't even care about the other boy’s reaction anymore. He just was finished with finding people for a quick snog, ever so disappointed to reach for their hair and not to find Remus’ soft curls. And he was definitely fed up with breaking off these flings because he knew that there was only one person he truly wanted. So if Remus would not have him, he would be better off with a broken heart he could get over than the constant pull that was edging him to snog the oblivious werewolf senseless.

But of course, when he had reached Remus, barefoot and waiting for his shoes, his mind had gone blank and the words had come out without a way of stopping them.

But Remus’ reaction had not been anything he could have anticipated.

Well, shit.

\-------------------

James, Peter, and Sirius had left for the kitchen under the excuse that they were carrying up the sandwiches and some pumpkin juice, but clearly to get a chance to coordinate the questions they were to going to ask.

Remus laid back on his bed, a book on his chest but way too excited to even bother to open it. 20 minutes passed and he was wondering if the other boys had bailed on him. 30 minutes in, he got up to retrieve the Marauder’s Map from James’ trunk, but the tracing charm still was not working properly and the footprints from the other marauders still lingered in the dorm room. 

For a second Remus thought about to just go for a walk at the lake and deal with his friends later, he might even risk sneaking into the tunnel under Hagrid’s hut to talk to Finn. Of course, he knew that his familiar wasn’t helpful at all. He just would just laugh about how this two-legged friends thought he was a werewolf and make remarks on how he would love to see meet them and how he couldn't understand why he kept his other self a secret anyway.

“Did you miss us?”, Sirius was unloading arms full of breakfast sized Nutella packages onto Remus bed, getting only a snort as a reply. It was an unspoken rule that they, whenever there was a meeting in their room, retrieved to James’ bed. With his usual precision, Remus levitated the stack of chocolate to the other bed, adding a calculated flick to his wand that sent Sirius’ finger halfway up his nose. 

A whine escaped his lips, sending the others into roars of laughter. 

“Totally uncalled for!” Sirius protested, trying to play the wounded puppy, but he was grinning widely and wiped his finger into Peter’s robes. 

“Oi, leave me out of this!” 

There had been times where this sort of behavior would have ended in a massive play fight between the dorm mates, Remus suddenly wondered when that had stopped. 

“So, one question each, right?”

Remus noticed how Sirius hadn’t touched his sandwich. 

“And you can’t just answer with yes or no”, Peter added.

“Yes, please Moony, elaborate.” James sniggered, adopting his best Slughorn impersonation. 

“I start”, Peter said it with such determination that Remus was sure they had settled the order with a game of Wand, Stone, Parchment.

“Can you do merman magic?” 

Remus took a huge bite of his sandwich. He had definitely not thought that through. The others were looking at him, their eyes darting, mouths slightly open in anticipation. 

Remus flinched: “Just the usual ... mind-reading, x-ray vision…”

Peter's jaw dropped, clenching his robes to his chest.

There was a second of complete silence before Sirius, James, and Remus, at the same time burst into laughter.

Sirius was practically whinnying: “Oh precious Wormtail, relax, he was leading you on… honestly … don’t be so…” 

There was a dramatic pause and everyone knew what was coming, all of them groaning in annoyance.

“...serious”. 

Peter had turned slightly red around his nose and James, ever the diplomat eyed Remus. “No, but for real like .. can you do anything .. special? Not my question but like elaborate on what Peter has asked, in the broadest sense”. 

Remus looked at the others, slightly dumbfounded. He’d never had to explain to someone what it was like to be a half-blood merman. “Like, I guess I’m a pretty decent swimmer- when I have my tail.”

The atmosphere in the dorm room had shifted, the air crisp around the secrets he spilled. 

“The water can get pretty cold, but it doesn't really affect me much when I’m changed and my eyes do this weird thing so that I can see underwater, but it all goes away when I’m two-legs”.

“Two-legs?”, Sirius tilted his head. Every time he looked at Remus like this, the young merman felt as if he was pulled towards the silver eyes, everything else disappears. He swallowed. “Yeah, it’s .. you know .. what the non-merman folk are called when they switch.”

Of course, they had learned about merfolk in various subjects, but most of it had been in history of magic and Prof. Binns' lectures were tailored for daydreaming or falling asleep. Additionally, Remus had found that the knowledge about mermen in the British wizard community was incomplete at best and rude in some cases. He remembered an especially horrid lecture in Defense against the Dark Arts about Sea Hags.

“It’s not as if we really capture children, you know”, Remus defended himself, suddenly very much aware that he hadn’t used the third person. 

There was a hand stroking his back and Remus immediately sunk into the comfortable warmth. 

“Remus, honestly we thought you were a werewolf so don't worry okay?”

Why was it that only when Sirius said it was okay that he believed it? It was as if he had the magical power to take away the doubts that crowded Remus mind so often.

“My turn”, James grinned from one ear to the other. “Why does it have to be the full moon what happens then? Like where do your legs go, can you still feel them, you know… when you don’t have them?”

James’ grin was a bit too smug for Remus’ taste, trying to cramp all this into one question, but all the same, he was thrilled by the question that was just so James- he was always so concerned with the practical aspect of things.

“I could still do it any other day but it doesn’t really stick that well when I do … there might be some other hints two-legs would be able to spot. Like scales, or my vocal cords get messed up... ”, Remus was laughing “It happened in second year and I told you it was my voice breaking.”

The others looked at him puzzled: “Remus, are you telling me you can speak merish?”, James was leaning into his face, his glasses dropped to the tip of his nose. 

Remus had never thought about it, of course, he could, how else was he meant to talk with his mum? 

“Ah, it’s nothing. I also speak Welsh and Sirius, you speak French, James you speak Hindi …”, Remus ears suddenly became very hot. There really was a whole different life he had been hiding from his friends.

There was a bang when James lost his balance and crashed to the floor. “REMUS”, his sudden outburst could only mean one thing- James Fleamont Potter just had had an idea: “Does your mum live in the great lake?”

Again all eyes were on him. “What? No.”, the idea probably did not seem so absurd to a two-leg but Remus couldn’t stop rolling his eyes. 

“The merfolk in the lake are a bunch of Hippie-Selkies”. Judging from their looks, the others seemed not to get anything from what Remus was saying. “Sirens, Selkies, Merrows, Nymphs, Nixies, Ningyo … there are a lot of different merpeople.. and Selkies, let’s just say they’re a bit weird. I normally don’t really hang out with them …”.

Remus was very much aware that Sirius was staring at him again. He could see it in his eyes. The question that would come, the question of whether his mum was what the two-legs called “Finfolk”, widely known as the northern sorcerers of the sea and notorious for kidnapping humans. 

“Doesn’t it get lonely when you’re down there?”

This was not the question Remus had anticipated. Neither was it apparently the questions the three marauders had agreed on when taking their time in the kitchen. 

There were true sadness and empathy in Sirius’s eyes, and Remus painfully was reminded that it had been Sirius who had been locked up in a small, cold, and dark room for two months over summer before he had the chance to escape Grimmauld place forever. 

He put on his best soft smile, “No, Sirius. It’s really beautiful. I still have Finn -”, he hadn’t planned on telling them about him. Damn those silver puppy eyes!

“Who is _Finn_?”, Peter’s voice was muffled by yet another bite of white bread with Nutella. 

Remus signed. The little shark would be so happy about the interest in him. Taking a bit slurp from his pumpkin juice, he evaded the question for a few more seconds. But Sirius wasn’t having any of this. 

“Remus! WHO the fuck is Finn?”

He was practical yelling at him.

‘What is his problem?’, Remus thought, staring at his best friend who just had dropped all of his decorum. 

Apparently this was what it took to shock the marauders. 

“You have another best friend?”, Sirius was the first to recover, “ … a _best friend_ we don’t know?”

Remus was ready to answer to that, but Sirius wouldn’t let him, showering him with an avalanche of babbling. “Who even is this _Finn_? You don’t think your _true_ best friend should know about this _fellow_? Can you even trust him?”

Remus sat there deadpanned - what the fuck was going on?

James’ and Peter’s eyes were flicking between them: Sirius, who now was pacing the room, wringing his hands in the air, practically yelling; and Remus looking at him like he had lost his mind (and James was wondering if, this time, he really had managed to lose it).

“Padfoot”, the sound of his nickname brought him back.

Remus held him hand out to guide Sirius back to the bed, where James waited for him with a smack over his head: “Can you please behave, Padfoot”. 

The raven-haired Marauder just tilted his head in defeat, suddenly very aware of the scene he just made. 

The room was silent for a second before Remus realised the others were actually waiting for him to answer all these questions.

“So yeah. His name is Finn and he is a shark … and my familiar”, his voice had gotten muffled towards the end, but Peter still had caught up.

“Aren't the familiars of Finfolk supposed to be able to transform into cats?” Remus winched at the use of the slur. So Peter had guessed his mother's origin.

“Arctic merfolk”, Remus correction left no doubt about what the term “Finfolk” did to him.

Peter’s eyes widened, realising his mistake, “Sorry, arctic merfolk, right, sorry”, at least the cubby marauder was decent enough to see that he had said something wrong. 

“Yeah, don’t know, he can't always get it right and when he doesn’t his shark teeth grown out and it’s really gross and not something you want to see. Mum thinks it’s because I’m only half and the familiar magic gets all wonky.”

The room had gotten dark and chilly and suddenly Remus felt like it had been days of talking and answering questions. A yawn gave away his tiredness and the others caught up, stretching their limbs and crawling out of James’ bed.

With another yawn, Remus gestured towards the bathroom. He was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, brushing his teeth, and thinking how weird it was that he just talked about the other half of his life with his friends. Even with the tantrum Sirius had thrown, it still had been nice to actually be able to talk about these things. How could he ever have kept this secret for so long?

There was a knock on the door and Remus answered to it. Sirius slipped into the room, his long hair up in a ponytail and his pyjama pants thrown over one shoulder.

Remus handed him a toothbrush labeled _Padfoot_ and his own toothpaste since he knew Sirius had been using it for the past two months anyway. The two of them brushed their teeth in silence and moved to the sink, letting the water run while they alternated in rinsing their mouths and washing the toothbrushes. When Remus looked up he caught Sirius staring at him in the mirror.

Remus smiled: “What?”

Sirius shook his head, a faint smile around his lips. Lips, that in fact, as Remus noted once again, were very kissable.

“I’m just happy that’s all”, the kissable lips formed the words without even the slightest slip. 

“And why would you be happy, Mr. Padfoot?” Remus replied in what only could be described as husky voice.

“For a moment there I thought I would need to kill your secret mermen boyfriend”.

Remus choked, his eyes locked on Sirius’ reflection in the bathroom mirror, the other’s hand moving to calm him, as it did so often.

“You thought Finn was my secret merfolk lover?”, he couldn’t move, his fingers clinging to the cool sink.

“I don’t know, Remus, you keep so many secrets. Why would I be surprised to find you have one more?”

It wasn’t hurt in Sirius’s eyes. It was something else.

“I’m in love with you, you daft idiot”.

There was an audible groan from the other side of the closed bathroom door and Remus spun around to cast a fast silencing charm on it.

“Please, Remus if you want to yell at me, just do it. No use in noise-canceling them out”. Sirius wasn’t angry, he just sounded exhausted.

“You never told me?!”, Remus glanced on the floor, the patterns of the tiles blurring before his eyes.

“I didn’t want to trouble you, you know, me thinking that you were a werewolf and everything”. Sirius said, turning towards the door with his shoulders hanging in defeat.

But Remus was faster than him, seizing his hands and pulling the other man towards himself. 

“No more secrets”, the words met Sirius’ lips followed by Remus’ mouth crashing onto his. “No more secrets”, Sirius replied in a muffled voice, his hands finally caught in those light brown curls. 

\----------

Thanks for reading and for all the love and comments - i really fell in love with this AU and   
  


If you want to know more about the origin of Finfolk read [this](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finfolk).

I put my art for the fanfiction on IG: [wolfstars_](https://www.instagram.com/wolfstars_/) and tumblr: @[girlwithacrown](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/girlwithacrown)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a very short update :)

Sirius broke the kiss, his lungs seeking air.

“How are you always out of breath, but not now?”, he smiled, his silver eyes seeking the warmth of Remus’ gaze.

The young merman, his face already heated from the kiss, blushed even more.

His fingers automatically covering his wide-open gills.

“Merman superpowers”.

Sirius leaned in and tilted his head to hover his ear over the openings in Remus' skin. “Oi, I can hear it”.

Remus groaned. “That’s why I try not to use them, they are actually made for water, you know. It just makes it sound like I’m leaking air”

Sirius laughed, closing his eyes, his hands searching for Remus' fingers, to capture them with his own.

“Can we just stay here?”, his voice a sincere whisper.

“I give James another five minutes before he busts through the door”, he sighed, wishing that they in fact never needed to do anything else than stay embraced in this moment.

His lips found Sirius exposed neck and planted a tender kiss, a soft gasp escaping the man under him. They were interrupted by someone pounding on the door, and Remus groaned.

“Do you still keep a stash of Nutella in here?“ Sirius asked, winking at him: “I could really use something to calm my … nerves“.

They both burst into laughter.

Two minutes later, Sirius left the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and in one motion dragged James to the floor. Sitting on his chest he pinned his best friend down.  
“James Fleamont Potter. Can you at least have the decency to not interrupt me and Moony making out for the first time“. 

James looked up at him, perplexed for a second, and then starting to cheer, shaking the boy on top of him in the process: “Yes yes yes, you did it. YOU FUCKING DID IT!”

He pulled Sirius down to him, hugging him and starting to sing a cheering song of sorts, mostly consisting of variations of “Sirius snogged Moony” interrupted with a stream of swearing. An action that definitely violated the rule that James was never allowed to sing (a rule voted for by the rest of the marauders when James had thought it would be a good idea to write a song for Lily in second year).

The bathroom door opened again, Remus deadpanned face appearing in the doorway.  
“You know that the noise-canceling spell only works one way, right?“ 

The two boys stopped in their motion, both of them grinning from ear to ear, positively looking like brothers with their black ruffled hair and stupid expressions. Remus strolled past them, ignoring the eyes that followed him, and disappeared behind the red velvet curtains surrounding his bed. What a day it had been. Lying down, his fingers traced his mouth, where he still could feel the tingling that the kiss had left. The room had calmed down and the sound of footsteps and the ruffling of curtains had ceased. 

Remus just lay still, his mind had gone completely blank, but the butterflies in his belly very much flattered away, buzzing with excitement. He had kissed Sirius Black. Very kissable lips indeed. The young merman closed his eyes, somewhere between awake and dreaming, when a sharp whiff of air slightly parted his curtains. Without thinking, he caught the single slip of paper floating towards him.

_‘Does this mean I can kiss you good morning?’_

The beautiful handwriting fired up the butterflies once again.

With a swift motion of his wand, he answered the note, the simple ‘ _yes’_ lingering in his already sleepy mind when he finally slipped into tender dreams. 

\------------------

Thanks for reading and for all the love and comments - I really fell in love with this AU and might update more chapters, subscribe to get notified when I do so.

I put my art for the fanfiction on IG: [wolfstars_](https://www.instagram.com/wolfstars_/) and tumblr: @[girlwithacrown](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/girlwithacrown)


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